2009 September, 20th

Phil Butler

Almost 9 million viewers watched the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards this weekend, the largest audience since 2004 according to most sources. What may have been more interesting than seeing Beyonce shake it after squeezing into another bathing suit, or Janet Jackson’s tribute to here brother Michael, or even Madonna’s surprise tribute to Michael, was the MTV 360 Fashion Show. Some of celebrities hottest gals were caught in 360 vision on the carpet, and none other than President Obama was on hand to judge the best assets.

The mashups below represent the various categories for President Obama’ “IWikesUm” awards. Amazingly, some of the sexiest celebs in the women’s category actually look as if they could use a few more hours in the gym. However, undaunted by status quo conceptions of the posterior of female sex symbols should look, Obama crowned several with his auspicious awards.

Obama Give Adrina Patridge the nod for IWikesumBlonde

In the IWikesUmBlonde category above, Obama chose Adrina no doubt because she was the only celeb in the category not too ashamed to show off her figure. While Stephanie Pratt chose to wear a dress that could have easily covered J-Lo’s butt with feathers to spare. Anna Faris looked to be the leading contender until her agressive hand and arm gestures scared the Pres off, and Whitney Port was just missing the right curvature altogether.

Obama falls for Christian Serratos' obvious charms

The winner of Obamas IWikesUmBad category was obviously Christian Serratos who left not much to the imagination in her see through LaRok dress. Front runner Taraji P. Henson lost it when something flew up her dress, while the almost bow legged Paris Hilton was obviously a little too bad for the Pres. Carrie D on the other hand, probably should have laid off the bon bons before the competition as her thighs took up more pixels than her posterior.

Megan Fox leaves the carpet with Obama's IWikesUmBrunette

The toughest judging of the day for the leader of the free world was choosing from his favorite category, IWikesUmBrunette. Megan Fox won hands (or eyeballs) down however, because of her incomparable profile (at least among these contestants). Hannah Beth looked pretty stunning from all angles but the President’s favorite view looked a little disproportionate. As for Jenna Dewan, her Walmart dress revealed nothing. Beyonce, a last minute entry into the contest, probably should have stayed at home as her butt now rivals any two full figured girls Obama ever heard of.

Controversy struck as Obama chose the IWikesUmYung winner

The most controversial category at the MTV 360 event was Obama’s IWikesUmYung judging. The President insisted that the women in this category were strictly speaking, several ice cream seasons away from any actual amorous intent. However, in the spirit of true transparency, and given that he has been busted looking at teenage butts before, Obama’s insertion of this category was allowed by MTV officials. Unfortunately for contestants Vanessa Hudgens, Lauren Conrad, and Lo Bosworth, their designer dresses, shoes, and makeup made them look far older than winner Miley Cyrus (not to mention making their butts look like the Pop-N-Fresh Dough Man was in there). Miley, after a ten minute quadruple take by Obama, told reporters she had never felt more watched. Obama, when asked if he felt badly about ogling girls have his age replied; “I have no recollection of that fact.”

Meanwhile Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech prompted President Obama to refer to him as a “jackass.” But, what no reporter has mentioned is that the rapper actually got the Pres Po-ed when he obstructed his view of before the preliminaries (Below). Obama called West a lot worse than Jackass when the rude rapper startled Megan Fox. I guess West did not think much of Presidential privileged. All in all, the Obama awards went of without a hitch however, and the President offered young MTV viewers a bit of oval office advice to boot; “If you do not learn anything else from my administration, you should learn the proper ways in which to view your fellow women Americans. MTV 360 is about looking at things from every angle, and so is this administration.

Secret Service Agents narrowly missed West

Editor’s note: Any resemblance between the characters mentioned or depicted to real life celebrities is purely happenstance. Everything PR has presented this “hypothetical” contest to show what is possible not only with MTV 360, but if our leaders really open up and become transparent about their views. In short, it was all a joke, which you should have guessed – maybe.

• 2009/12/11 -- Greenpeace Urges Obama to Earn Peace Prize with Decisiveness in Copenhagen
• 2009/12/10 -- Oslo Visit a PR Fiasco – Obama Is Impolite, Norwegians Conclude
• 2009/11/29 -- Human Institutions That Don’t Work, The WTO
• 2009/09/23 -- What Really Happened When Kanye Stole the Show?
• 2009/09/04 -- Hot Actresses Then and Now

About the Author

Phil Butler is editor-in-chief of Everything PR and senior partner at Pamil Visions PR. He’s a widely cited authority on beta startups, search engines and public relations issues, and he has covered tech news since 2004. Phil wrote in the past for ReadWriteWeb, Mashable, Profy, SitePoint, Search Engine Journal, AltSearchEngines. Follow Phil on Twitter or send him an email at phil [at] pamil-visions [dot] com.

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